Being content in all situations

Pious christians often toss this out when things aren't quite as they seem.  I've probably done some tossing in my time.
Now I'm struggling to be content despite a good marriage, incredible daughter, a move to a simple lifestyle, a cottage over looking the sea, today taken care of, friends who know and love me.  I have an inkling it has something to do with the 'good works that Christ has prepared in advance for me to do'.  I don't know what they are which makes contentment a struggle, for me.
One of the invitations is to identify and hold my boundaries.  What are the things I am going to do over the holiday season that I want to build and guard? Regular exercise, contemplation, creativity, meaningful friendship time, making time to seek the 'good works'.  If I know my 'good works', nurture them, honour them, perhaps I will invite contentment.

The Apprentice, but Donald Trump is nowhere in sight (thank goodness)

My husband bakes bread in his 'other life'.  He returned to his passion of artisan bread-baking about a year ago and now his passion has become volunteering in a local bakery three times a week.  "I'm an apprentice", he said to me this morning.
My response is interesting. I love that word, it could be so many things. So on a scale of possibilities is it:
- how can he be volunteering when he needs to bring home the bacon (although in this case, he brings home loaves of delicious artisan bread)?
- what does this volunteering mean for our other business?
- I'm left with the childcare and housework?
- he wakes me up at 4:30 am when he leaves for his shift?
- volunteer = hero?
- he gets to make new connections in the village we have just moved to while I'm at home?

If I'm honest with myself, there might be a smattering of truth in the above, but actually it's revealed my lack of personal passion.  It's revealed how few boundaries I have around what I really want to do.  In fact, what do I really want?
What do I want to be an Apprentice at?  Maybe I don't need to be an Apprentice, perhaps I'm already qualified.  I just have to nail it down and draw some boundaries around it.

Bikini order

It's strange how things seem to have shifted.  I said to my mentor today that my conversations with her over the last few months have kept my head above water.  Kept me from drowning.  Today I thought, what do I talk about?
Just an example of how God seems to be taking care of the small stuff (and not so small stuff).  Yesterday morning after my customary swim in the local tidal pool (weather permitting or not, today was a not day and I got in), I thought, Lord I swim every day I'd love another another costume when the time is right.  My sister in law visited me later in the day with five costumes in hand.  God, I said one was okay, but you thought I needed more than that.  Thank you for nurturing me and noticing the things about myself that I don't notice.

Do I need to do this undercover

I started this blog a few months ago as things seemed to be tough and I felt as if I wanted to rev and rave and not be recognised as the odd women in the supermarket having a rant.  Things don't seem so tough anymore and I wonder whether I should return to my other blog.  The funny thing is no one reads this anyway, so it doesn't matter.

I worked with a client today, asking them about yesterday and what their ideal day would be if they could be in charge of it tomorrow.  In my own reflection, I realised that I lived an ideal day today.

I sent my daughter off to school, walked the dog along the beach to our local tidal pool; joined the locals in a couple of lengths; had a coffee (not the best, but a coffee anyway); sat on my porch and finished reading an incredible book by Niall Williams - Boy and Man; was overwhelmed by the connectedness of God in all our lives; worked with a client who had some revelations about her 'stuckness'; took the train to fetch my daughter to school (which started off as an adventure, but ended up being a 2 hour hack - only to be used in moments of emergency!); had a glass of wine and dinner on the porch overlooking Kalk Bay harbour.

I told my mother-in-law off today

I had a dream earlier in the week about being robbed and the person putting some kind of putty stuff on my throat and I was unable to call for help or wake up my husband who was sleeping nearby oblivious.

I won't go into the gory details, but a mentor and confidente said to be grateful for the gift of dreams, one of God's ways of being in touch with us.  "Be thankful for this season of finding your voice".  So I did just that today and told my mother-in-law off, which I've never done before.  I'm not sure who was more surprised, her or me!

I can't understand this place I am in:  don't like my brittle temper;  am embarrassed by tears that seem to be lurking high above sea level;  am fearful of our looming move....  My life seems in turmoil, yet I seem to have so much insight, patience and grace for clients and friends.  Today I asked two people how they were being kind to themselves.  Do I need to be asking that question of myself.

Why does life seem to be so murky?  I'm trying to discern the strands of peri-menopause, financial pressure, purpose, God's invitations, fear.  What could be my next response? Solitude and solace. Placedo, finding the home of our soul according to Dr Clarissa Pinka Estes, storyteller extraordinaire.

Today was a good day

I took my daughter for an extended picnic, played stuck in the mud with her and a friend and just did 'mom' stuff.  No pressure to work, earn any cash, tidy the house or any middle class suburbia stuff.

We're moving at the end of the month - to Kalk Bay.  All my insecurities that are supported by middle-class suburbia are raised.  Commuting, being away from my community, living in an eclectic village.  My delights though are the view of the harbour from the porch and office, the view of the mountain from the back yard; coffee and almond croissants at the Olympia Bakery; our boat 'garaged' right in the harbour mouth, just across the street; community all tucked up together in this beautiful little bay, fringed by bobbing fishing boats.

When we get something that we have been longing for, why do we wonder about it and question the gift?