Do I need to do this undercover

I started this blog a few months ago as things seemed to be tough and I felt as if I wanted to rev and rave and not be recognised as the odd women in the supermarket having a rant.  Things don't seem so tough anymore and I wonder whether I should return to my other blog.  The funny thing is no one reads this anyway, so it doesn't matter.

I worked with a client today, asking them about yesterday and what their ideal day would be if they could be in charge of it tomorrow.  In my own reflection, I realised that I lived an ideal day today.

I sent my daughter off to school, walked the dog along the beach to our local tidal pool; joined the locals in a couple of lengths; had a coffee (not the best, but a coffee anyway); sat on my porch and finished reading an incredible book by Niall Williams - Boy and Man; was overwhelmed by the connectedness of God in all our lives; worked with a client who had some revelations about her 'stuckness'; took the train to fetch my daughter to school (which started off as an adventure, but ended up being a 2 hour hack - only to be used in moments of emergency!); had a glass of wine and dinner on the porch overlooking Kalk Bay harbour.

I told my mother-in-law off today

I had a dream earlier in the week about being robbed and the person putting some kind of putty stuff on my throat and I was unable to call for help or wake up my husband who was sleeping nearby oblivious.

I won't go into the gory details, but a mentor and confidente said to be grateful for the gift of dreams, one of God's ways of being in touch with us.  "Be thankful for this season of finding your voice".  So I did just that today and told my mother-in-law off, which I've never done before.  I'm not sure who was more surprised, her or me!

I can't understand this place I am in:  don't like my brittle temper;  am embarrassed by tears that seem to be lurking high above sea level;  am fearful of our looming move....  My life seems in turmoil, yet I seem to have so much insight, patience and grace for clients and friends.  Today I asked two people how they were being kind to themselves.  Do I need to be asking that question of myself.

Why does life seem to be so murky?  I'm trying to discern the strands of peri-menopause, financial pressure, purpose, God's invitations, fear.  What could be my next response? Solitude and solace. Placedo, finding the home of our soul according to Dr Clarissa Pinka Estes, storyteller extraordinaire.